Secret
by EdwardsSoul101
Summary: Bella has been more secretive than anyone wants to realise. She has an eating disorder, and has done for a while. Will she have the courage to tell Edward, or will he have to find out by his own devices? Post-Eclipse, AU. Rated for dark themes.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 (Bella's POV)

**Chapter 1 (Bella's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Take Me Away – Avril Lavigne._

I sat on the closed toilet seat in the bathroom down the hall from my bedroom. I had been in this exact position for over ten minutes now. It was getting to the point where I couldn't waste much more time without raising suspicion. I knew I had to do it, and I had to do it now. It was Friday. Friday was judgement day.

Sighing shakily, I rose from my seat and crossed the small room. My still-damp feet stuck to the tiled floor, and made a suckering sound as I walked.

Nervously, self-loathing, I stepped onto the article reserved solely for my nightmares. This item, this demon, was the thing that caused me pain time after time. _How sad_, I thought to myself, _that a seemingly inoffensive plastic box can hurt me more than a person can_. Sighing again, I opened my tightly-shut eyes to glance at the reading.

I wasn't surprised, nor was I happy. Or sad. This was exactly what I expected to see. Satisfied, I removed myself from the scales and began to redress, finally feeling some control over my life, and my self. _I did that_, I thought. _This was all down to my own hard work_. _And I did it_.

I departed the bathroom feeling utterly empty, as always, but somehow fulfilled. Careful not to show my emotions; I didn't want to give Charlie or anyone else a reason to be suspicious of me; I returned to my bedroom, and waited for Edward. Even though I had finally reached my target, what I had been aiming for all this time, I still didn't feel like I deserved him. I realised, for the first time that day, that maybe I never would feel like I was enough for him. At least, not until I was a vampire too. Then, just maybe, I would feel like I was enough to belong in his arms, in his family, and in his world.

I changed my clothes quickly, passing by an opportunity to inspect myself in the full-length mirror in my room. _Now was not the time_, I decided.

Even though it was now nearly summer, I dressed in my ordinary sleeping attire; a too-big, old t-shirt that made it impossible to see the shape of my body, and a pair of comfortable sweatpants. Just as I was wriggling down into my cold, unmade bed, I saw Edward's pale face duck in through the window. If I wasn't looking in that direction anyway, I wouldn't have known he was there; he moved so silently. Smiling, he glided towards me and kissed me gently on the lips.

I was so grateful he was here. I mean, he didn't know what I was doing; of course he didn't. He would make such a big deal out of it, making it out to be more than it really was. He was so protective of me, which, don't get me wrong, I appreciated, but it meant I had to keep secrets from him. Not anything too important, mind you.

He came and lay next to me, on top of the thick duvet that was pulled right up to my neck. He draped one of his cold arms over my skinny waist, and hugged me to his frozen chest. I could feel the cold, even through my duvet and both our clothes. I snuggled closer to him, just wanting to be nearer him. Who cares about a little hypothermia, anyway?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 (Edward's POV)

**Chapter 2 (Edward's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Confusion – The Zutons._

I waited patiently, as always, for Bella to wake up on one particularly sunny Saturday morning. Her eyelids fluttered open and, upon finding me staring lovingly at her, she smiled gratefully. I crushed her tiny body closer to my chest, and lowered my head to wake her with a kiss. However, to my annoyance, she pulled back. I frowned at her sulkily. "Morning breath," she whispered, before giving me a peck on the nose. I grinned, while reluctantly letting go of my hold around her so she could have a 'human moment'. I considered disallowing her these short periods of time away from me, but I soon realised she wouldn't have to many of them left. I sighed, something I was doing a lot over the past few weeks.

I thought, yet again, about having to change Bella. I was going to have to be so restrained; if I made a single slip, I could take her life in a second. That thought terrified me. Thinking about it, I supposed the process wouldn't be unlike performing surgery. Cut too shallow, and you won't have any effect at all. Cut too deep, and you could end up hindering more than helping. Not to mention, surgery would be about a billion times more difficult for a vampire to conduct than a human, considering the thirst for blood and everything. I suddenly felt a lot more sympathetic towards Carlisle.

I was still deep in thought when Bella re-entered the room. Her hair was in a scruffy ponytail, and half of it had fallen out after she'd slept on it. She was wearing a baggy pear of sweatpants teamed with a t-shirt that fell almost down to her knees, it was so oversized and stretched. Her eyes, thanks to left-over mascara, looked bleary with black smudges around the edges. She looked beautiful.

I beckoned her towards me, and she gladly came to sit in my lap. I cradled her next to me, feeling her warm blood through my shirt. I inhaled slowly, revelling in her sweet floral scent. She tilted her head up towards mine, and gave me a long-awaited kiss. I stroked her soft lips with my own, and she ran her fingers through my bronze hair. I knotted one hand at her scalp and wound another around her waist. If Bella had her way, we would spend forever like this, I was sure.

I felt her breathing begin to quicken to an unnatural pace, so I pulled away, laughing gently. She pouted, but settled back into my lap.

"I should get up," she stated, but made no move to detach herself from my arms.

"Are you going to?" I questioned, mocking her a little. She heard the smile in my voice.

"Fine, be that way," she joked, and moved her legs off the bed. I pulled her torso closer, not ready to let go of her yet. Would I ever be ready to let go of her warm, fragile, human body, I wondered?

"I was thinking," I started after a few minutes of content silence, "we should go and see Alice today." Bella and Alice had hardly seen each other since Alice had starting planning our wedding, and quite frankly, she was becoming distraught. I decided that, even if I would rather be selfish and keep Bella all to myself, she needed other friends too. And Alice was only too good at that job.

"Okay, sounds good. We haven't seen each other in a while," Bella answered thoughtfully. I smiled to myself. Alice would be pleased. She had been practically begging me to let her see Bella for almost ten solid days. Now, I was more patient than most, but even _I_ couldn't put up with that much Alice.

Eventually Bella and I rose from her bed, and I hastily left the room so she could change. I decided to make her breakfast while I waited. I ran down the stairs and raided Charlie's cupboards for some cereal. Bella's favourite was right at the front, so I grabbed it and poured her a bowlful. I opened the fridge and reached for the milk, gently pouring a generous amount over the cereal. I fetched a spoon, and rested it by the side. Then, I sat opposite the bowl, waiting for my angel to descend down the stairs.

When she arrived a few minutes later, I started, as I often did, by looking at her feet. I let my eyes travel up her gorgeous body one inch at a time, taking in all of her. My eyes eventually reached contact with hers. She smiled, and blushed gently. I sighed.

There was something different about her face today, I realised. She didn't glow with the radiance that she normally did. I frowned, trying to figure out what was different. She ignored my penetrative gaze, tucking in to the cereal I had, for lack of a more appropriate word, prepared. Eventually I gave up, not able to figure out what it was her still stunning face lacked.

When she was done eating, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to my car. She protested, of course, but there was nothing she could do about it. I grinned, and gently kicked the door of Charlie's house shut behind us. Soon, I realised, this would no longer be Bella's home. She and I would live together, in Alaska, at least to start with. We might never return to Forks. Or at least not for a while.

Thanks to my love of fast driving, we arrived at my home very shortly. Alice appeared at the front door in a flash, and squealed as she ran toward Bella.

"Bella! I haven't seen you in forever!" she exaggerated. "You can't keep her all to yourself, Edward," she scolded. "We love Bella too!"

As if to emphasise this point, Emmett and Esme both arrived at the door and engulfed Bella in a large group hug. A muffled voice came from within the huddle. "There's enough of me to go around!" Bella joked. I laughed loudly, and rescued her from the growing amount of Cullens squeezing the life out of her.

"So, how've you been?" Bella asked at no-one in particular.

"Busy," Alice said immediately. "There's just so much to plan! I don't think any of us have had a wedding in too long," she decided, looking pointedly at Rosalie, who had silently arrived next to Emmett. She smirked deviously. "I'd forgotten how much was involved!"

At this point, Alice stopped talking and held very still. She was having a vision, and I watched it along with her. It was Bella, leaning over the bowl of a toilet, vomiting violently. I cringed. Bella tensed at my side, knowing that Alice was seeing something, but not knowing what.

"She's seeing you, ill," I told her and the rest of the family. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?" I suddenly asked, worried.

"I feel fine," Bella said quickly. Alice glanced in my direction, beaming thoughts to me that were apparently not appropriate for others who were present to hear.

"_I've had that same vision eleven times now_," Alice stated. "_She hasn't thrown up eleven times, right_?" I shook my head very slightly so my family wouldn't notice, though most of them were now talking about the wedding with Esme and Bella.

"_Curious_." Alice's mind began to drift. I let her think, being only vaguely aware of he thoughts until she stopped on a particular one.

I gave her a clear look that said, "No. You're wrong." Alice was thinking that maybe her visions were _broken_ or something. My immediate response to this, i.e. that it was impossible, was only because I was terrified without Alice's visions to make sure Bella was always safe. However, maybe she was right. What other explanation was there for Alice having the same vision so many times over?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 (Alice's POV)

**Chapter 3 (Alice's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Shatter – Feeder._

It was very early in the morning. The sky outside, still a rich navy colour, darkened slightly as if reflecting my mood. I grunted, still frustrated with myself. _Why were all my visions the same_? Surely, there must be a reason for the abrupt change in the accuracy of my 'sight'.

Was it to do with my diet? Doubtful, since I didn't eat, and there really wasn't that big a variety of animals to hunt in Forks. Maybe there was something blocking me? But if so, what had a big enough power to do that? Nothing had ever stopped me seeing before, discounting the wolves, but that was completely different.

I flopped to the ground. What was wrong with me?! I thought about hitting something to take out my anger with myself. This was unusual; I had never been violent. This made me even angrier. Jasper gently placed a hand on my shoulder, and some of the anger was replaced with calm. Some, but certainly not all. I smiled at him thankfully all the same.

Suddenly, a cold feeling washed over me. The hairs on the back of my neck pricked up, and I was completely unaware of anything happening around me. All I could hear and see was what was going on inside my head. _Not again_, I thought. I didn't think I could bear to watch Bella throw up another meal into that toilet basin.

I couldn't close my eyes on my visions, especially not when they were inside my own head. So I had to watch. It started the same as the last eleven, Bella standing in the middle of her bathroom in utter silence, and then hurling into the toilet. Nice.

I was about ready to go back to the world of the living then, but the cold feeling got more intense. I was frozen to the spot. I could smell something unnaturally sterile, like antiseptic. I glided through a door, and arrived in an unfamiliar room. Laid down, with a clear mask over her nose and mouth, was Bella. She looked almost paler than me, and an IV drip was hooked up to her inner elbow. Finally, I reacted, and broke out of my vision.

Why was this vision different? And why was Bella in a hospital? No doubt she'd managed to trip over something and hurt herself again, but I couldn't see any obvious wounds. Nor could I see the accident happening in Bella's future. I was even more confused than before, and immediately resolved to tell Edward. I knew he was still at Bella's house right now, probably watching her sleep (which, if I was Bella, I would find a little creepy, but oh well). I supposed he could hear my thought from here anyway, so it didn't really matter whether I wanted to tell him in person or not. I sighed, and Jasper snaked an arm around my waist. I leaned in to him, kissing the base of his neck softly. He let out an unnecessary breath, the gentle motion blowing my hair.

I had another vision then, only a short one. But it convinced me of something very important.

I saw Edward arriving in this very room with a mixture of anger and fear plastered on his face. I guessed he had left Bella after hearing my thoughts, and he would be here soon.

The thing it convinced me of was; my visions weren't "broken". I had now had two visions different to the eleven previous ones. And that could only mean one thing.

Bella really _had_ thrown up eleven times. Or twelve, counting the beginning of the vision with the hospital. But why had she been so ill? And, if she had, why didn't she tell any of us? Especially, why didn't she tell Edward?

I had asked myself so many questions tonight, I was starting to sound like an interviewer or something.

"What did you see now?" Jasper whispered, breaking the growing silence that was enveloping the room. I shook my head, not wanting to have to explain everything twice.

"Wait 'til Edward gets here," I urged. Jasper shot me a confused look; after all these years, I was still getting to grips with the fact that he _wasn't_ always inside my head (apparently unlike Edward). "He's on his way over. I think he heard me after I had the vision just now."

Jasper nodded, and we waited. _Patience is a virtue_, people were always saying. But it was a skill that took decades, or even centuries, to master. I personally still hadn't got it quite down to a tee. On the other hand, Jasper was extremely patient. More so than Edward, I thought.

Less than three fidgety minutes later, Edward ran through the open doorway of my room, just as I'd seen it. _Deja-vu_, as the French would say.

His face, the emotions looking even more intense now that I was actually seeing them, glared at me. I decided to let him speak first.

"That… What you saw…" he stuttered. I'd very rarely seen him at such a loss for words. Bella was the only person who could do that to him.

"Yes, it was Bella. I think she was unconscious," I told both Edward and Jasper. I don't think Edward even acknowledged Jasper's presence. "And I think… It's really going to happen," I broke to him.

"But, your other visions…" Edward cut in.

"They were real too," I assured him, finally sure. "I had two visions that weren't the recurring one. The first was the one you saw, of Bella in the hospital. The other was you, arriving in this room, which actually happened just now."

"Which confirms your visions aren't 'broken'," Jasper chimed in, his logic perfect, as always.

"But…" Edward argued again, looking for another excuse for this vision not happening. "But Bella never threw up," he finally came up with. "How do you explain that?"

"Are you _sure_ she didn't, Edward?" I said, almost so gently it was a little condescending. "I think you have to consider… She might be lying to you." I whispered the last part, afraid to say it. Afraid of Edward's reaction.

"I…" He said, and stopped, his mouth still hanging open. He looked shocked at my suggestion, but it seemed as his brain processed the information, he realised it might be true. I sighed, and reached towards him. He pulled his hand back.

"No. I don't deserve your sympathy," he said, angry now. More at me than anyone else, even Bella, I thought. I flinched back at his words, taking them more deeply than they were intended, and he turned around and stalked away. I turned and buried my face in Jasper's chest, his sadness unintentionally washing into me and intensifying mine. I held back a tearless sob, and gripped him tighter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 (Bella's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Liar Is You – Elliot Minor. (__Side note:__ Yeah, I know Elliot Minor aren't very well-known. But THEY WILL BE! You'll see… Ahem. Go look them up!)_

I woke up to a cold bed, the same as I always did. Having your ice-cold vampire boyfriend sleep over at your house every night could really change your opinion of "normal", whether that was the temperature of your sleeping quarters or your views on life and death.

Expecting to find my personal Adonis on the other side of the bed, I rolled over, my arm outstretched, searching for him. Unfortunately, my hand came across nothing but thin air and crumpled sheets. I frowned groggily, and sat up straight. My eyes took a few seconds to focus, but when they did, the sight that reached my eyes made me want to lie back down and go to sleep.

Edward was sat bolt upright in the rocking chair across from my bed. His hands, cradled in his lap, were clenched tight around one another, and pale tendons stood out of his skin. His feet were planted firmly on the floor, as if they were steadying his entire existence, and he didn't move at all. Not even his hair dared to be ruffled by the breeze flowing in through my open window. When my eyes locked with his, his darkening gold eyes bored painfully into mine. They shone with a mix of confusion and fury. I recoiled, a little scared of him. He hadn't found me out, had he?

I mentally slapped myself. Of course he hadn't. I had been so careful, cleaning up extensively, choosing my times wisely. Not to mention, even if he had learned my "big secret", I had a plan.

_Lie._

The part of my brain that was irrevocably in love with the man sat across from me screamed in protest. How could I lie to Edward? Not only was I a terrible liar so he'd see right through me, Edward was the one person in this world who I literally couldn't bear to lie to. This part of my mind was quickly overruled, though, by the only part that apparently had any common sense. He'd _die_ if he knew what I was doing. That was, if he didn't kill _me_ first.

I coughed, averting my eyes from his sharp gaze. "What are you doing over there?" I said, trying to sound innocent. It didn't work.

"I went to see Alice," he said gruffly, still shooting me death glares. I was afraid to look back at him, so I shuffled out of bed and turned my back towards him, pretending to look through my wardrobe.

"How is she this morning?" I attempted to hide my anxiety. _Alice_? She hadn't seen me puking _again_, had she? I didn't see how she could've done, anyway. I hadn't been sick for two days straight, and didn't plan on it today, either. You see? I was thoroughly in control.

He replied quickly and sharply, like a sour squirt of lemon juice. "Fine. Her visions are fixed," he snapped.

"That's great." Her visions were fixed? Did that mean… I feigned happiness, pretending not to see his point. As predicted, he saw right through me.

"Bella, don't make me spell out for you what this means." I hadn't even heard him approach, but he was standing right behind me now, his cool breath hissing in my ear. If I wasn't so terrified, I might have been seriously turned on at this point.

"I know what it means, I just don't understand it," I lied. What it meant was, they finally knew that Alice's visions were never _broken_ in the first place. I put on my best poker face, ready to lie my butt right out of this situation.

"What do you mean?" Edward stood up straighter, his lips no longer level with my ear. I let out a breath I forgot I was holding.

"You're saying Alice's visions were real from the start, right?" I said, finally turning to face him. His features had softened a little, but not enough for me to calm down even a bit. "That's impossible. You know I never threw up."

"But that's just it, Bella!" he said, verging on yelling. I could tell he was having a hard time staying under control. His cool hands jutted out and grabbed my elbows in a forceful embrace. He shook me gently. "How do I know? I've been able to trust Alice since… forever. She's never wrong. _Never_. But how do I know I can trust _you_?"

I froze, trying not to convey any of the emotions I felt on my face. How could he say that? Of_ course_ he could trust me. How could he even think that?

Then it hit me. He was right; I wasn't trustworthy at all. I hadn't really been lying to him all this time, I supposed, but I'd been concealing the truth. And that was just as bad. My insides crumbled, and it felt like the epiphany I had had thanks to Edward's words had ripped my heart right out of its place, leaving it to fall to my feet in a bloody mess.

I managed to wiggle out of his tight grasp and turn away before the brimming tears escaped down my cheeks.

_A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. You're all fab! I would, however, like some advice. I'm thinking that the title of this story is not only boring, it's also a little too generic. If anyone has suggestions for what I should change it to, send me a message or a review? If I get a few good ones, I'll put up a poll to decide. Thanks :)_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 (Edward's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Come Back To Me – Plain White T's._

I watched. I just stood and watched as the love of my existence turned and ran away from me in horror. And she was completely in the right.

I accused her of all sorts of terrible things, and she didn't even dare try and defend herself. She probably hated me, and I didn't blame her. If she wasn't afraid of me now, then she certainly wasn't human. I shrunk down onto her floor into a crouch, and clenched my fist. Clench, unclench. I flexed my jaw. I screwed shut my eyes. I created a rhythm, trying to block out the anger at myself of what I had just done. But nothing worked, and the one person I wanted, no, _needed_, was the very one I had pushed away. I fought the instinct to cry out.

I couldn't believe myself. What on Earth had been going through my mind to make me react to Alice's assumptions like that? I had just accused my fiancée of being a liar, of being untrustworthy, and I may well have broken her heart. She didn't deserve a monster like me, nor did I deserve a goddess like her.

I heard a shuffling noise, and put my train of thought on hold. I listened more intently and heard muffled intakes of breath, and stifled cries. I inhaled slowly, and smelled the familiar floral scent I had learned to love and hate so much simultaneously. Bella was crying, and no less than five feet away. I silently crept towards her open bedroom door, and found her sat up against the wall beside it.

She was curled up in a ball, her face buried in her knees, sniffing softly. She remained unaware of my presence, which was probably for the best. I ached to reach out to her, but on fear of rejection, I decided against it.

"Bella," I breathed. She looked up at me instantly, her eyes red, and tears still staining her pale cheeks.

"I can't even begin to explain to you how sorry I am," I said in a rush. "I don't know what I was thinking. How could I be so accusatory? I sincerely apologise, but if you don't want to forgive me, I completely underst—" I was cut off by her soft fingers at my lips.

"It's alright, Edward," she murmured. "I understand. You wanted to trust Alice's visions." She flinched while saying the word "trust". I gently bent down and lifted her small frame into my arms.

"But that's not any excuse," I scolded myself. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that. I'm sure there's another explanation. I don't believe you're lying to me, Bella. And I shouldn't have to ask you to know you're telling the truth." Her face softened at my words. "I trust you," I spoke honestly.

A small pause followed, while Bella stared me out, as if daring me to go back on my statement. When she realised I wasn't going to, she frowned a little. I could practically hear the cogs of her mind whirring.

She eventually seemed to come to a decision. "Prove it," she whispered. Her response took me by surprise. Her eyes glimmered with wickedness.

"W-what do you mean?" I said, for the second time this morning, more unstably this time. I tried to decipher the reason for the foreign look in her eyes, and I couldn't decide whether I was more inclined to be afraid or excited.

"I mean," she began, slowly lowering herself from my arms and taking my large, cold hand in her tiny, delicate one. "Prove it," she said, more confidently this time, gently pulling me back into her bedroom.

I shivered, and followed, all too willingly.

_A/N: Sorry this chapter was a little short._

_Anyway, I've kinda had enough of sending messages to every person who reviewed, or added to story alert etc., so I'm gonna put you all here instead! :)_

_Thanks to **hershycat**, **So Peculiar**, **Frozen-Twilight**, **Obsessed4Edward69**, **Bella-Marie-Black**, **Adorin**, **EdenCullen**, and **Al Luver** for the new add to story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to **porcupinerrs** for add to author alert / favourite author._

_Thanks to **wingedspirit **and **twilightaddict13 **for the new reviews._

_And, as for the change to the name of the story: only one person actually made any suggestions... Anyway, to avoid confusion (and also because I'm lazy), I'm just gonna leave it the same for now._

_Okay, that's all._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 (Bella's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Take Me Under – Three Days Grace. (__Side note__: I think so many of their songs are appropriate for the Twilight series, mainly Gone Forever and Over And Over: go check them out and tell me what you think!)_

Edward looked at me with innocent eyes. He really seemed to be prepared to please me, to do anything I asked to make me forgive him. The truth was, I already had; he was right in the first place, after all. I _did_ lie. I _wasn't_ trustworthy. And even though his words hurt me, he did the right thing by telling me about it.

I still felt a strong pang of guilt from lying, and then lying about lying. Well, technically. It was a good job I hadn't needed to literally lie to his face. I was always a terrible liar.

I decided, on a selfish whim, to ignore the guilt that I felt and… _indulge_ a little. I shouldn't be pushing him, I told myself. But I didn't listen.

I did, however, decide I was schizophrenic.

Meanwhile, while my brain argued with itself, my body led Edward back inside my room. Knowing what I was about to do, or _try_ to do, made me feel so awful for taking advantage of him. But it made me feel so good at the same time.

I tried not to think while I sat him next to me on my still-crumpled bed. I gently took one side of his face in my hand, and he leaned into it, inhaling. I withdrew my hand slowly, and brushed my fingertips feather-lightly over his now closed eyelids. I stroked the purpling shadows beneath them.

He stayed immaculately still, waiting. I eventually leaned in, closing my eyes too, and taking him by surprise as I kissed him forcefully on the lips. He withdrew a little, but after a couple of seconds he reacted and kissed me back with just as much strength. I locked my arms around the back of his neck, and wound my thumbs into the base of his hair. He placed his cool hands tentatively on my waist, and I could feel the cold through my pyjamas.

Quicker than I thought I was able to without injuring myself, I turned myself around so my whole body was facing him instead of just my head. He mirrored my actions, but I thought he seemed a little apprehensive. I discarded this thought quickly, and kissed him passionately again. He responded just as I hoped he would; at the same time as pressing against my mouth even harder, he leaned his torso backwards so that I was resting on top of him.

I didn't want to ruin my chances of getting anywhere by pushing him too far too fast. I let this go on for a while, sweet kisses with just hints of passion. As soon as I dared, I carefully lifted my left leg over him, so that I was straddling his hips now. He broke the kiss quickly, making sure our eyes locked.

"Bella…" his voice was husky, dark. His tone had a strong hint of warning.

"Shh, Edward," I said softly, my voice between a whisper and a moan. He laid back, his eyes still wary, his hands still gripping my waist.

I took his face between my hands again and gave him one short, soft kiss. I drew back and licked my lips, taking a deep breath. I could tell Edward could sense something was coming.

I removed his hands from my waist, and carefully but confidently placed them sufficiently higher on my torso. He opened his mouth to speak again.

I took one of my hands off his own and placed it over his mouth. "No. This is what I want…" I trailed off, hoping he'd do the rest of the thinking for me. However, he stayed frozen, his eyes averted from my body.

I moved my hands to rest on the bed either side of his head, to steady myself.

I knew just what to say. It was just actually getting the phrase past my lips that was the hard part. I knew it would tear Edward apart to hear it. But I forced myself to say it; it was the only way.

"I need you to do this, Edward. To prove you trust me."

As I expected, he winced at my choice of words. I winced with him, wanting so much to tell him that I didn't mean it, and that I took it back. But I was unable. It was like the part of me I couldn't control – the part that had all the common sense – wanted to _hurt_ Edward.

Oblivious to my train of thought, Edward looked back at me after a momentary lapse in concentration. He stayed still for a moment longer, then, without the aid of my own hands, started to massage my breasts through my top. I tried to contain a moan, and leaned down closer to him.

He made sure to stare directly into my eyes while slowly moving his hands, to make sure he didn't hurt me, I supposed. I glared back fiercely, not with anger, but with passion. Edward, unlike myself, didn't try to hold back his instinctual sounds, and growled deeply. I almost melted right there on the spot.

But that wasn't enough. The part of me that didn't love Edward, the part that was filled with sinful emotions; hurt, anger, and pure lust; pushed him further. I was afraid it was prepared to push him right over the edge.

Not even thinking, never mind trying to stop myself, I moved my hands from their current position and grabbed the hem of my shirt. In one swift, smooth motion, and even without clumsily hurting myself in the process, I removed the garment and dropped it on the floor beside me. Edward froze, stunned.

I was more than a little worried about his reaction. I was insecure enough about my body already without him _glaring_ at it… I blushed, my embarrassment finally catching up with me. His hands, radiating cold, stayed still in mid-air.

I took a shaky inwards breath. The noise of my inhalation was louder than I expected, and it made Edward look up at me. I expected him to look… disgusted. Horrified. Even scared? But nothing could prepare me for the look in his eyes that made my heart rip in two.

His dark eyes, with only hints of gold in them now, were filled with worry. And pain.

He sharply brought his eyes back down to my abdomen. He reached out with his icy fingers and traced the ripples of my ribs that were much more prominent than his own. The concave curve of my stomach, adding to the tiny waist I had created for myself. The angular point of my hip, jutting out much further than he had expected it to.

"Bella…" he whispered my name to quietly, like it hurt to get it past his lips. I screwed up my eyes.

"Bella… What have you done?"

_A/N: Thanks to **Hse Hissie**, **freestyler91**, **cutaneousenses**, **horsecrazed**,_** XxKatelynxX**, **princesstamtam69**, **cullengirl4ever**, **KayaBellezir**, **Shining Eclipse**, **Amybell**, **LilliumKiss** for story alert / favourite story.

_Thanks to **Hse Hissie**,** xhilaration**,** XxKatelynxX **for author alert / favourite author._

_Thanks to **cutaneousenses**, **kate remark**, **XxKatelynxX** (and thanks for logging in!), **twilightaddict13**,** QueenOfTheFairies**, **Shining Eclipse**, **LilliumKiss** for reviews._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 (Edward's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Don't Speak – No Doubt. (Aww, come on, it's a classic!)_

_A/N: No, this isn't an update, I just noticed a couple of major errors so decided to re-post. Sorry :D_

I stopped breathing. It wasn't like I needed to breathe, but I was breathing so heavily before, like I was fighting for breath. And then, everything stopped. There was no movement, no noise, and no feeling. I was numb.

But only for a second.

Then the feelings, and the thoughts, all came at once. They flooded the space inside my head. They were packed so tight and so deep it was a miracle I didn't explode.

Why did Bella look like this? Her body… It looked so _unnatural_. I knew immediately that whatever had happened to Bella, it wasn't due to natural causes. She… had she brought this upon _herself_?

And I could only think of one thing to say, because at this precise moment, it was the only thing I cared about.

"Bella… What have you done?"

My voice cracked. I cringed a little at my lack of tact. But that certainly wasn't something I should be worried about right now.

I stared her down, silently demanding an answer. She refused outright. Her eyes wouldn't meet mine. She looked so… guilty. It made me feel even worse.

"Please, Bella…" I said, more softly this time. I refused the urge to grab her chin and _make_ her look at me. "Tell me what's wrong."

She still didn't look at me. It was like she didn't even register the fact that I was speaking. I waited for her to come out of her trance, my ever-strong patience weakening by the second.

Terrible thoughts still swimming around my head, I noticed a few things over the next few silent moments. Bella's skin came out in goose bumps all over her arms while she stayed still, uncovered, on my cold lap. Her door was still partly open, and a stream of light flooded the dark room we were in.

And finally, I noticed the thing I had thought was different about her face a few days ago. She looked gaunt and unwell. The whites of her eyes were yellow, and her once-glossy brown hair lacked a certain glow. Her cheekbones were more prominent now, and her full lips were chapped. I cursed myself for not noticing all these things sooner. I beat myself up inside my head until I could take the suspense no longer.

I took her fragile shoulders in my strong hands. "Bella, tell me! What is it?" I was yelling now. I was getting out of control. "What did I do wrong?"

Her head snapped up at this. My hands stayed in place, gripping her shoulders too tightly. I didn't have the control to loosen them, nor could I take my raging eyes away from hers, now they had finally looked at me.

"What did _you_ do?" she asked. Her voice was smaller than I had ever heard it. Her eyes radiated innocent confusion. "You… You didn't do anything, Edw--" I cut her off.

"Of course I did! Why would you be doing… whatever it is you're doing to yourself if I had been able to look after you properly?" I roared. I removed myself from under her, and moved across the room. That was the one thing I could due to reassure myself of her safety, even if I wasn't completely in control of myself.

She remained silent. It was true, then. This _was_ my fault.

"Edward, please listen to me…" she pleaded with me gently, as if asking for forgiveness. But what on Earth had _she_ done that _I_ needed to forgive?

"I'm… I'm sorry, Bella," I mumbled, looking at my feet as if they were the most interesting thing I had seen in centuries. "I have to go."

"But Edward--" I cut in mid-sentence again.

"No. I just… I can't look at you right now, Bella!" _You're a constant reminder of what I've pushed you to_, I added in my head.

And so, with that in mind, I jumped stealthily out of her window, the cogs of my mind whirring. _This is my fault_, I reminded myself. _So I have to help her_.

Two major problems came to mind when I decided this. The first was, Bella was more stubborn than anyone I'd ever met, so if she didn't want my help, it would be pretty hard to persuade her it was the right thing to do.

The second thing was that I wasn't sure she'd want _my_ help. She had practically admitted that I was the sole reason for her… for lack of a better word, _problem_, so I wouldn't have been surprised if she never wanted to see me again.

And, of course, if this was her wish, I would oblige.

_A/N:__ Thanks to __**kate remark**__, __**grtchn**__, __**Amybell**__, __**QueenOfTheFairies**__, __**cutaneousenses**__, __**horsecrazed**__, __**Frozen-Twilight**__, __**LilliumKiss**__, __**twilightaddict13**__, __**Shining Eclipse**__, __**wingedspirit**__, __**JackieWackie**__ (thanks for the title suggestion but I've decided to leave it for now) for reviews._

_Thanks to __**Poppinfresh**__, __**anglbby989**__, __**InkedLoser**__, __**xsoutherngurl08x**__, __**kaisershin**__, __**APC720**__, __**JackieWackie**__, __**ThisGirlMegan**__,__** I'm Randomspicuous**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**APC720**__ and __**JackieWackie**__ for author alert / favourite author._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 (Bella's POV)

**Chapter 8 (Bella's POV)**

_A/N:__ Immense apologies for the time gap since the last chapter! You know the drill, places to go, people to see… Okay, that was a bit of a lie. I've actually hardly had anything to do, I've just had a bit of a block. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope it was worth the wait..!_

_The song for this chapter is:__ You Stole The Sun From My Heart – Manic Street Preachers._

"_No, I just… I can't look at you right now, Bella!_"

That one really stung.

Everything I had done had been purely to make myself look more like one of them. Like someone who _belonged_ by the side of someone so God-like. I had done everything I could possibly think of to make myself a little easier on the eye, but it looked like all my attempts had failed.

On the one hand, I had triumphed. Nobody could look at my body and tell me I wasn't thin. Nor could anyone tell me I wasn't pretty enough to hang out with the likes of the Cullens.

However, there was a downside to these victories. Edward couldn't even look at me anymore. I supposed he had always said I was beautiful, even before. But, now _everyone_ thought I was pretty, he was the only one that didn't.

Why did he have to be so bloody _awkward_?!

These were the kinds of thoughts jumping around in my mind while I was supposed to be listening to Alice. She'd apparently seen the entire scenario and was just waiting for Edward to call her up. From what I could tell, he wanted her to try and "help" me.

I just didn't understand what it was she was supposed to "help".

Was it literally how much I weighed? Because I was sure I could put back on all the weight I had lost in (comparatively) no time if I wanted to, help or no help.

Was it my way of thinking? That I seemed to be more worried about what everyone else thought of me than I was about my own fiancé?

Or was it my entire frame of mind? I was so obsessed with being in control of this one tiny aspect of my life that it took over and completely obscured the big picture?

I asked a lot of rhetorical questions these days. I was just trying to begin to voice them out loud when a tiny, white hand passed in front of my face extremely quickly.

"Helloo? Earth calling Bella. Anyone home?" Alice said in a spooky voice, pulling a face. I rolled my eyes at her. "You've been so vacant, Bella. Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes," I lied. She could tell, so I gave up my side of the argument before it even started. I supposed I should at least _look_ like I was listening, even though I had far more important things to think about than Alice trying to be my shrink.

She started talking again about eating disorders. I wanted to scream at her, I _didn't have an eating disorder_! In my opinion, girls with eating disorders were ones who made themselves painfully thin on purpose because they were so insecure or obsessed with self-image they didn't care about anything else. They became so skinny to try and fulfil dreams or make people see them differently. It was all so false.

That wasn't what I was doing at all. Nope… My situation was _completely_ different.

I half-heartedly continued to convince myself of this while Alice prattled on. I didn't know why Edward had decided she needed to get involved in all this. It wasn't like she was about to inspire me to "change my ways" or anything. The only person's opinion I really cared about was Edward's.

Suddenly, it was like everything clicked into place.

_The only person's opinion I really cared about was Edward's_.

If I really only cared what Edward thought, why was I doing this in the first place? He thought I was beautiful anyway, whether I was fat or thin, tall or short, human or vampire.

It was a little ironic that when I finally had this epiphany, Emmett came storming into the room to deliver some news. He looked more panicked than I had ever seen him. Alice didn't look much better herself. In Emmett's huge vice-like grip was a tiny sheet of yellow paper. I glared at it, trying to make out what was written on it, but failing miserably.

"What is it?" I asked, but I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"It's Edward. He's…" Emmett grimaced. "I can't believe he was stupid enough to do it, but…" He still couldn't get the word past his lips. Not that it mattered; I knew what he was going to day anyway.

"He's left me again, hasn't he?" I said, my voice so quiet a human couldn't have heard it.

Emmett nodded slowly, and held out the sheet of paper to me. I took it with trembling hands, and read the words on the sheet three times over slowly to make sure I had taken them in.

"_Bella-_

_I have to go. I can't stay with you like this._

_I'll come back when everything is sorted. I promise._

_I am so sorry I couldn't be there for you._

_Edward."_

I managed to keep my eyes open long enough to see the first of many tears drop from the corner of my eye onto the tiny sheet of paper and make a smudge. Then, I lost all resistance and gave in to the darkness hanging over me. Everything went black.

_A/N:__ Sorry, I just realised there was a bit of Alice-bashing in this chapter. I didn't mean it, I swear! I love Alice, she must be my favourite Cullen (other than Edward, of course) but Bella's just a little out of her mind at the moment. Alice will get her revenge, don't you worry. :)_

_And, just for fun, here is an OUTTAKE from this chapter:_

I finally knew exactly how Cher from Clueless felt when she said, "Oh my god, I feel like such a bonehead!"

_And now for the thanks._

_Thanks to __**EdwardXBells4ever**__, __**beautifulpink**__, __**Shining Eclipse**__, __**momma2three**__, __**twilightaddict13**__, __**wingedspirit**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**StarlessNight28**__, __**annahelenamccrea**__, __**EdwardXBells4ever**__, __**Shewolf24**__, __**bellestormes**__, __**sammycakes104**__, __**Minx Hijinks**__, __**beautifulpink**__, __**Iris Messenger**__, __**honeynthemoon**__, __**kaytieorndorff**__, __**Zoeyy.**__, __**Pentacle Witch 13**__, __**momma2three**__, __**rakel03**__, __**Adinyne **__for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**EdwardXBells4ever**__, __**literatefanatic27**__ for author alert / favourite author._

_Okay, I think that was officially my longest A/N ever… OVER AND OUT._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_A/N:__ This chapter was inspired by _Before I Die_ by Jenny Downham. Read it; I guarantee, it'll make you think._

_The song for this chapter is:__ Headlights On Dark Roads – Snow Patrol._

**Edward's POV**

There are too many thoughts in my head. I can't breathe. They are suffocating me.

I turn all the thoughts into butterflies. They swim and swoop in patterns in my mind and make me feel dizzy. I scoop them all into a net and squash them into a dark corner that no-one knows about except me. It doesn't make me feel any better.

I turn away. I am not in control of the words that escape my lips, and I can't bear to see the effect they have. I want to cry, but I am too numb to feel something that intense.

I hastily scribble a note, not really taking any notice of what I'm writing down. It kills me to imagine what Bella will think when she reads it, so I don't. Imagine, that is.

And then, I run. I run for a long time, even for me, but this makes no difference. I should have known, after the last time. There are some things that are just impossible to escape from.

Maybe she'll think I'm being selfish, and that's why I'm running away. She'll think I'm doing it because I'm shallow or because I can't trust her or because I don't love her. Maybe that would be the best thing for her to think, considering all the things I am thinking are hurting too much.

A vaguely notice a single butterfly escaping from the net. It floats over and taps me on the shoulder to get my attention.

A million detached sentences flood my head all at once. Each one makes no sense. I hate not knowing. I hate not understanding. I curse the power of my own mind.

Almost every phrase starts with _Bella_. I am not even a little surprised. I skim over all the thoughts, trying to find a connection, or a solution to the riddle that is enveloping around me. I am a blank slate.

As I am skimming, one thought in particular startles me. _Bella gets closer to death every day_. I am shocked I am able to think such dark thoughts and still be in one piece.

I immediately resolve to stick with the logic I have always (well, since I met Bella) followed in such a situation. If Bella were to pass, I would follow after as soon as I was able. I absently wonder if she would do the same, and quickly decide to forbid her to do any such thing. If I can ever convince her to forgive me for leaving her at such an inappropriate time, that is.

I decide, because I can't bear not knowing, that death is like the end of a book. All the ends are tied up, the future is predictable, and there are no questions left unanswered. After the last page is turned, there is just nothing. No feelings, no thoughts, and certainly no sequels. I despair a little at this, and understand suddenly why humans are so intent on believing in something bigger than them, like a God and a heaven.

Eventually, I have to conclude that Bella would be right in assuming that I had left thanks to my own selfishness. After all, it is _me_ who can't bear the concept of Bella pushing herself towards her own death, _me_ who can't deal with being so utterly clueless about what would happen after this death occurred, and ultimately, _me _who takes absolutely everything to the extreme. I wonder if she would love me more if I was born with the ability to relax.

Finally, _finally_, I find a place to hide the butterflies which is much more subtle than before. I put all my own thoughts and feelings aside. Every. Single. One. In comparison to Bella's, they are so irrelevant.

Not far away, I can hear Emmett thinking. It's as if he senses my presence in his brain. He whispers three words to me. _"She needs you."_ And, as I hear the words strung together, everything falls into place. Even if I have to sever off my own soul (if I have one in the first place) to do it, I will stay by Bella, because she needs me to get through this. I take this as a blessing, not a curse. Never a curse, when Bella is involved.

As I get up ready to return, I look forward to apologising to her. I deserve to beg at her feet while she ponders a suitable punishment. Even if she decides my own life is the payment for her forgiveness, I would give it. Just as long as she _swears_ to keep hers.

_A/N:__ Damn, this chapter looked longer when it was handwritten. Well anyway, this is meant to happen over a longer period of time than it seems. A couple of days, maybe._

_Thanks to __**grtchn**__, __**Iris Messenger**__, __**Amybell**__ (I had already written this in EPOV before I read your review; well predicted!), __**wingedspirit**__, __**kate remark**__, __**Bella-Marie-Black **__(thanks for your appreciation about this particular section; it _is_ rather time consuming!), __**genies9**__, __**eandb4ever6**__ (possibly the most enthusiastic review I've ever received!), __**CullenHaleLuvr94**__, __**LilliumKiss**__, __**cutaneousenses**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to__** eandb4ever6**__, __**CullenHaleLuvr94**__, __**beyondhope0322**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**eandb4ever6**__, __**CullenHaleLuvr94**__ for author alert / favourite author._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 (Bella's POV)

**Chapter 10 (Bella's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Bedshaped – Keane._

To an outsider, it would appear that this time was much better than the last.

I got up bright and early every day, even if it was to an empty bed. School was over now, so I kept myself busy during the day by doing chores, and taking up more shifts at Newton's Outfitters. Mrs Newton seemed very pleased with my progress; she had told me frequently that I was so focused now, I could get so much more done in a short time.

However, there was still no-one who knew the truth. Even now people knew about my "secret", I was still hiding things. But this time, it seemed like it was something so much more important that I was keeping to myself.

I didn't tell anyone how one day while I was at work, I had asked Alice to collect up everything in my house that reminded me of Edward. I couldn't think about him any more. Not because I didn't want to, but because if I did, I was worried I would lose the will to live.

All those months before, when I was a "zombie", I thought about Edward a lot of the time. Sure, it still hurt, but not as much. I think it was because that time, I knew he had done what he thought was right for me, to protect me. It didn't mean he was actually doing the right thing. I mean, of course he wasn't! It left both of us miserable, and me still in critical danger.

Now, I literally couldn't think about him. I knew that if I did, I would only try and defend him. I would spend hours – days – thinking of excuses for why he had left, and at a "time like this" (as Alice had put it), other than purely due to his own needs.

When I would find that there was no valid excuse, I would try to understand. Why had things suddenly changed? He has always (and I mean _always_) put my happiness first until a few days ago. What changed his mind?

Maybe… Maybe my happiness just wasn't important enough to him anymore. Perhaps he no longer got a thrill out of seeing me happy. That would be fair enough, considering that made no sense in the first place. He had probably found someone else who made him happier than I did. I bet he was with her right now, gently running his hand down the side of her face. Pulling her closer to him with his arm wrapped around her waist. Leaning in towards her, not being able to get enough of her scent, her _taste_…

I would call what I was having a "daydream", but it seemed more of a "day-nightmare". Whatever it was, it was getting way out of control. Not only that, but I was about to combust into flames any minute. I only realised just then that I had stopped what I was supposed to be doing (which was pricing various hiking merchandise) because I had been so involved in what I was thinking about. This was the entire purpose of keeping myself busy; so I wouldn't get caught up in little fantasies that were either too wild to ever happen (for example, Edward just magically appearing on my doorstep, whisking me away to some far-off country and claiming me – all of me – for his own), or just too horrible to imagine (the worst of which detailed him forgetting about me, eventually resulting in me growing old, very slowly, alone).

I found out quite quickly that things like cleaning out my belongings or keeping myself busy weren't going to keep Edward out of my head. I may have realised it, but that didn't mean I was going to acknowledge it. And so, I carried on with my routine.

I had hardly seen the rest of the Cullens at all over the past few days. Alice had quite tactfully kept her distance; I think she blamed herself a little bit. I didn't blame her at all, but she did have a habit of putting her foot in it where Edward was concerned. She would accidentally mention him or something that would trigger a memory I had of him. After this had happened a few times, she removed herself from my company. Only temporarily, of course, until I calmed down a little.

I hadn't seen Emmett or Carlisle at all. I assumed they were trying to find Edward. It was fair enough, I mean, even if he didn't want to come back, his family were still worried about him. So was I, actually, even if I _was_ just about ready to beat the shit out of him. It was a shame he was around sixty million times stronger than I was.

I absently wondered what Alice was up to right now. I was getting bored of being on my own, and I was starting to think far too much. I'd hardly seen her at all for ages, but that was mainly because she had been--

I was suddenly hit by another thought. Before, the reason I hadn't seen her was because she was so busy planning the wedding. _My_ wedding. Was that still happening? Maybe it had been postponed, or even cancelled. I definitely wasn't ecstatic about getting married, but now I'd had time to get used to it, the thought of never being "legally" attached to Edward made me very unhappy. I was just about ready to skip the rest of my shift, jump in my truck and go to the Cullen house and ask Alice how she was planning to tell everyone who was invited, especially considering no-one even knew Edward had left yet, when I noticed an all-too-familiar silver Volvo pull up next to my beaten up truck. My heart stopped beating in my chest, and my breath caught in my throat. It couldn't be… Could it?

I leaned to the side, trying to get a better look. Sure enough, an unnaturally pale figure sat in the front seat of the car, looking right at me. I looked away, worried about what I would do if I gazed any longer.

He probably expected me to go out there, I realised. Well, he could wait. I'd waited the past six days without even knowing if he was alive. He could wait sixteen pissing minutes until my shift finished.

I turned back to my shelf, pricer in hand, willing myself not to look back out of that window. I almost fainted with the effort. I counted the seconds in my head, resisting the urge to mouth the numbers. I wondered if Mrs Newton would let me go over my time limit for the day. I'd pretty much be prepared to do _anything_ if it suspended me having to go and face him.

I didn't trust myself. Not even one bit. Who knew what words would jump out of my mouth when he was within hearing distance?

I practised taking deep breaths to calm myself. _In_. _Hold_. _Out_.

My eyes flickered back to the window to find he was doing exactly the same.

_A/N:__ Thanks to __**Shining Eclipse**__, __**twilightaddict13**__ (x2), __**kate remark**__, __**Iris Messenger**__, __**flossiemae**__, __**XhowtosavealifeX**__, __**Bella-Marie-Black**__, __**xxtwins**__, __**iluvgaara52**__, __**kishe**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**flossiemae**__, __**XhowtosavealifeX**__, __**Dinky Diddydums**__, __**Vampirelove101**__, __**schoolgirl29**__, __**iluvgaara52**__, __**ImXnotOthatXgirl**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**I'm Hallucidating**__, __**flossiemae**__, __**iluvgaara52**__, __**ILoveMyMenCold.Dead.Sparkling**__ for author alert / favourite author._


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Sorry's Not Good Enough – McFly._

I had pretty much decided to just walk straight to my truck when I left the store and ignore Edward and his stupid shiny Volvo completely. He apparently had other plans.

Although he hadn't dared to enter the store while I was still on my shift, as soon as I had made a move to exit the building he was suddenly no longer in his Volvo, but at the door, holding an umbrella for me to walk under. It was, inevitably, raining.

I glanced up to decipher his expression. Was he being _serious_? He really thought that after he had accused me of lying to him, taking it back, taking advantage of me and then not following that through _either_ after he found out his accusations were correct, leaving me without more than a note to go on and then randomly turning up to meet me from work one day that I was just going to forgive him like that and we'd go back to normal?

No way. Not this time.

Unlike before, when he returned and it was like I had never been mad at him in the first place, I was in no way ready to forgive him yet. I had needed him so much, and he had just abandoned me. It may have only been for a few days, but after spending almost every waking moment with him previously, it felt like a lifetime.

I ignored his umbrella and walked out into the rain. I almost slipped over at least twice, mainly because I couldn't see, but I managed to get into my truck without being too badly injured. I let out a puff of breath as I sat down in the driver's seat. I could see my breath. No-one would know it was summer here in Forks.

I turned my head to look behind me so I could reverse out of my parking space, only to find Edward standing at my window, almost begging for me to look at him. If I was a little softer, my heart would've melted there and then at the sight of him, drenched even with the umbrella, looking at me with those puppy-dog eyes. I wanted to cry, and at the same time, I wanted to laugh. But I forced both of these away. I was, most definitely, predominantly angry.

I pressed the pedal down hard and the truck's wheels squealed as they fought against the wet tarmac. I resisted the urge to wince, and swung the vehicle around. I could still see him in my rear-view mirror, pleading that I would wait. I realised then that he hadn't said a word yet, and nor had I, yet we both knew each other's feelings completely.

I had to admit, I was surprised he had come back so soon. I thought he would've needed more time to get his thoughts together, if he was even coming back at all. _I_ certainly needed more time to think. Which was also a big part of why I was trying to escape from him right now. I wasn't only mad with him for leaving; I was also mind-blowingly confused. As long as I had known him, he had _never_ done anything purely for himself. Everything he had done had been for the benefit of everybody else around him. Surely that wasn't all a lie? If it was, at least I knew one thing.

He was a very good actor.

He was driving along behind me now. I could see his eyes faintly through the tinted glass. For the sake of what little dignity I had left, I refused to cry while he could still see me. After what seemed like an age, I pulled over into my house. He didn't follow me this time, but drove straight past, not sparing me a glance. I think this was more for my benefit than his.

I noticed Charlie's cruiser in the driveway and decided not to enter my house yet. He was more afraid of tears than Edward was of country music. Finally, after holding it all in for so long, I keeled over my steering wheel and cried. I cried because Edward had left me in my "hour of need" as it were, I cried because I hadn't been able to until now, and I cried because he returned, presumably to apologise, and I totally blew him off.

_A/N:__ This will be the last chapter for around a week, so you'd better savour it! I'm going on tour with my choir, which should be either completely awesome or completely notsome depending mainly on the weather... Anyway, I'll try and get some writing done while I'm there so all I'll have to do when I get home is type them up. See you guys next week!_

_Thanks to __**rakel03**__, __**twilightaddict13**__, __**Shining Eclipse**__, __**IsabellaMarieCullen3214**__, __**Iris Messenger**__, __**horsecrazed**__, __**Bella-Marie-Black**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to__** IsabellaMarieCullen3214**__ for story alert / favourite story._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"Come on, Bella. Please do this. If not for your sake, when at least for mine. I can't stand his moping any more," Alice voice pleaded over the plastic phone pressed against my ear. I studied my reflection in the hall mirror while I listened to her, inspecting myself. I sighed, but didn't respond. I was deliberating.

"Fine," she continued when I made no move to give in, "for Jasper's sake, then. I swear, Edward's making him feel so depressed…" she trailed off. I did see her point, I supposed. She knew just how to make me feel guilty. I also felt bad about being so rude to him the other day after work. Not to mention every other time he had tried to contact me after that.

First, he had just appeared at my bedroom window. It was about halfway open, and I was in my room, typing an e-mail to Renée. I heard the rain start to pick up outside, so I thought I should close the window. When I turned to shut it, I got the shock of my life. He was just sitting there, straddling the window frame, with one leg in my room and the other leg hanging outside getting drenched. Raindrops were caught in his bronze hair and the dampness made it look darker but redder at the same time.

"Bella…" He finally spoke. It felt like an eternity ago I had seen him in that parking lot, when silence was the only thing between us. His voice cracked a little when he said my name. It tore my heart apart, but I tried not to show it on my face. I think I only winced a little.

I looked away for a few moments. I couldn't look at him; his eyes were boring into me so hard I thought he'd wear a hole through me. _He could apparently look at me _now_, _the bitter and sarcastic part of me remarked.

"Bella, please talk to me," he whispered. I didn't know whether it was because Charlie was home, or if it was due to the amount of emotion coursing through him. Either way, I couldn't oblige.

"I know I've done nothing to deserve hearing your voice," he continued. "Nothing to deserve _you_, but--"

I cut him off. I couldn't listen to any more or I might crack. "Get out, Edward." It hurt to hear his name pass through my lips.

He didn't speak again, and I didn't watch him leave. But I turned around to where he was around 30 seconds later and he was gone. _It was as if he never existed_. His own words echoed through my mind.

I shivered, and shook off the cloak of emotion weighing me down.

After that, he'd tried to get me on IM. I was just minding my own business, catching up with Angela. I'd hardly seen her all summer, and I felt pretty bad. She and Ben had been having great fun, apparently.

A little blue box popped up on my screen. _Edward logged in_.

I ignored the message. He knew I didn't want to speak to him. He probably wasn't online for me, anyway.

A few minutes passed. A blue box appeared again.

_Edward says: Good evening._

Why was he talking to me? Surely he had realised that, however he went about it, I did _not _want to speak to him. It made me sound ridiculously pompous, but he didn't deserve my forgiveness. Especially not yet, when he hadn't even apologised.

Sure, I hadn't let him get enough words out to do that yet. But that was _so _beside the point.

_Edward says: I said before I didn't deserve to hear your voice. I thought I might be allowed to talk to you in type, though._

Now he was just being cheeky. It was like he hadn't even acknowledged he had done anything wrong!

_Bella says: You're wrong. You're not even worthy of that._

It was harsh, but so had he been when he'd left me that note and vanished off the face of the earth. He seriously needed a reality check.

_Edward says: I know. I'm so sorry, Bella._

Was he just saying that? How could I be sure he meant it?

_Bella says: I know. But that doesn't mean I should forgive you._

_Edward says: I don't know what else I can say when you won't even let me talk to you in person. That's not exactly a good thing when we're getting married in a matter of days._

I recoiled at my computer screen. _Me_? He was seriously blaming _me_ when he had driven me away? Well, strictly speaking, he had driven _himself_ away. And now he was driving himself back.

_Bella says: Well, that's just it, Edward. When you marry someone, you make some vows. One of those is to "take your wife, in sickness and in health". How am I supposed to be able to trust you with my hand in marriage, not to mention my life, when you can't handle my sickness?_

The screen remained blank for a long time after that. After assuming I would get no answer, I switched off my computer at the plug, still enraged. I got very little sleep that night. More than Edward did, though, I supposed.

The next day, he went for his last resort. That "next day" happened to be "today", which was why Alice was whining in my ear over the phone.

She had said Edward was depressed, and all he was doing was moping. I did feel guilty. I hadn't even let him try to explain or defend his actions.

"Okay," I muttered quietly.

"What?!" Alice exclaimed, apparently surprised at my lack of resistance after such little persuasion.

"I'll do it. I'll talk to him. Not for his benefit, mind you," I added, lying a little.

"Great! He'll pick you up tomorrow at 8 for breakfast," Alice said very quickly, before hanging up the phone. She was probably planning his outfit already.

I sighed again, deeper this time. It was going to be a long day.

_A/N:__ Thanks so much to everyone who wished me good luck / a good time with my choir! It went great, and the weather wasn't too bad either._

_I planned this chapter in advance, which is probably why it makes a little more sense (chronological-wise) than some of the others. I should really start doing that all the time. My writing suffers when I try to do it spontaneously…_

_Anyway, the "thanks" section. Thanks to __**ownpersonalhell**__, __**wingedspirit**__, __**twisted soul 69**__, __**Poppinfresh**__, __**cutaneousenses**__, __**Bella-Marie-Black**__**LilliumKiss**__, __**Iris Messenger**__, __**twilightaddict13**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**ownpersonalhell**__, __**666 Number Of The Beast**__, __**lynne21**__, __**ebb of life**__, __**Corri Chance**__, __**vamplover1901**__, __**twilightxtrodinaire**__, __**IfancyTheCullens**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**ownpersonalhell**__, __**Critically.Acclaimed**__ for author alert / favourite author._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_The song for this chapter is:__ We Might As Well Be Strangers – Keane. (I normally hate using two songs from the same artist in one playlist; I also used a Keane song in Chapter 10. But this one just fits too well to miss.)_

I was rudely woken up by my alarm clock buzzing very close to my ear. The noise it made was ridiculously annoying. Surely someone could invent an alarm clock that woke you up _nicely_ and _gently_? Or at least one that didn't go _BEEP BEEP BEEP _incessantly until it was turned off?!

I rolled over just the necessary amount to hit the snooze button, without even opening my eyes to look at the clock itself.

The next thing I knew, I was being woken up (again) by a doorbell. _My_ doorbell.

_Shit_! What time was it?

I turned over, hastily this time, to read _8:05am_. I had apparently fallen straight back asleep after my alarm clock woke me up. And now, Edward was ringing my doorbell while I was still in bed.

I threw a robe over my bedclothes and ran, as fast as I was capable without tripping, down the stairs to fling open the door. There, predictably, stood Edward Cullen, looking perfect as always. He seemed alarmed at my current attire.

"Sorry," I said, rushing to let him in. "I apparently overslept." I looked up at his eyes to make sure he was listening. He seemed to be staring at me a little too intently. He snapped out of it when he noticed I had stopped speaking.

"That's alright. I'll just wait here," he motioned towards the living room as he entered through the door.

"Make yourself comfortable," I muttered almost politely as I ran back up the stairs.

Half an hour, a serious hair-brushing and some non-crumpled clothes later, I was back downstairs craving something with caffeine. Edward stood up from the chair he was sat in as I came down the stairs, and grinned at me.

"You're ready?" he checked while I threw on a coat. The weather outside didn't look promising, and (probably thanks to Alice) Edward was holding a large umbrella.

"Yeah. Let's go." I knew I wasn't a morning person, but I never realised how inarticulate I was until today.

I dithered at the front door to lock it behind him when he exited. He walked straight towards his immaculately clean car and ushered me in the passenger side. I mumbled a "thanks" as he shut the door once I was inside.

Without even telling me where we were going, he appeared beside me in the car and quickly but accurately backed out of the driveway. I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised. He always did think he knew better than I did about everything.

"So, how've you been?" he said conversationally as we glided along the road.

"Fine," I lied. "I've been pretty busy with work and stuff." This part, at least, was true. And he knew it. "How about you?"

"I've been okay," he said. I didn't know whether it was the truth or not; with a good liar like Edward, I never did. "I haven't really stayed in one place until yesterday, you know? I've been doing a lot of thinking."

When he didn't make a move to continue, I nodded slowly. That was apparently all he wanted to tell me for now. We pretty much sat silently until I felt the car gently pull to a stop outside a small restaurant I didn't recognise.

He was at my door again before I could blink, opening it for me. My lack of grace ensured I fell out of the vehicle almost right on top of him. He chuckled, but not cruelly. I blushed as I straightened my spine and walked by his side into the restaurant.

Once we were seated in a darkish corner of the room, an awkward silence enveloped our table. I looked down at my hands in my lap. Things had never been awkward between the two of us. It was a horrible feeling.

I coughed, hoping to clear the air that was suffocating me. Edward finally seemed to clock on to my uncomfortable feeling, and started to speak.

"Isabella," he pronounced my full name slowly and delicately. "I know I owe you a hell of a lot more than an explanation, but that's where I'd like to start, if you don't mind." I shook my head a little, a movement almost too small for human eyes to detect. I was used to only having to make small movements after spending so much time around the Cullens.

Edward continued. "Okay. I… Uh…" I had never seen him so lost for words. I noticed that his hands were shaking, a tiny movement, but detectable all the same. It was obviously not from the cold.

"To say the very least, I feel utterly terrible for leaving you alone all this time." He acted like he had left me for a lifetime, not just over a week. I opened my mouth to say so, but thought better of it. Not only had I promised Alice to hear him out, I owed it to him, to myself, and to our relationship – if there was anything left of it – to at least _try_ and see his point of view on this whole matter.

"I get that," I said, a hint of anger seeping through. I couldn't keep it _all_ bottled up, after all. "But I don't get why you left in the first place. At least, I don't think I do."

"What do you mean, you don't think so?" he asked, a little wary. I had a feeling he didn't really want to hear the answer I was about to give.

"Well, the only reason I can really think of… Is that you panicked when you saw me." I didn't dare look at his face, his eyes. I focused on his still shaking hands. "All of me, I mean. You were scared… Not of me, really, but what people might think, and what I could _become_."

I couldn't think of much else to say after that. After a brief period of silence, he spoke again. "You're right. For the most part, at least." He spoke very quietly, as if he was afraid someone was going to overhear us talking. "I was – well, I still am – afraid of what _will _happen to you, Bella."

Now it was my turn to be silent. "What do you mean? I have this whole…" I searched for a word to fit the situation I was in. "_affair_ under complete control."

"But that's just it, Bella! Don't you get it?" He said this with such force, more force than he had spoken with this entire evening, that it made me sit up straight in my seat and look him in the eye. He was looking – no, _glaring_ – at me with an indecipherable expression. "You're _not_ in control! That's why you're like this in the first place!"

I stood up. I was so angry! Where did _he_ get off insinuating something like that? I thought we had come here so he could apologise, even grovel at my feet if I thought it necessary. He was the one in the wrong, after all. I was never expecting him to still have more insults left for me.

I gave him a glare that could slice through human flesh (though, perhaps not vampire flesh) before I turned around to leave. I wished I had a comeback for him. I wished I could say something back which was just as hurtful, or I wished I could defend myself against his accusation.

But that was impossible. It was impossible because he was _right_.

_A/N:__ I just realised, I missed out a song for the last chapter! It was supposed to be Leave Me Alone – Razorlight. Sorry :)_

_So, aside from being TOTALLY PSYCHED about the release of Breaking Dawn in 2 weeks (I live in England, and it's not released until the 4__th__ here. ¬¬), this story is now my main priority. I'll try to write more often than I have been, promise. Well, for now at least._

_Thanks to __**Abriana**__, __**Frozen-Twilight**__, __**Taylorz Girl**__, __**ownpersonalhell**__, __**akaMrsEdwardCullen**__, __**wingedspirit**__, __**LilliumKiss**__, __**twilightaddict13**__, __**EdwardXBells4ever**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**Taylorz Girl**__, __**jazbabe621**__, __**AliceG**__, __**akaMrsEdwardCullen**__, __**xchaotic**__, __**Katherine.Cullenxx**__, __**shippudenhottie94**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**OneMorePerson**__, __**Katherine.Cullenxx**__ for author alert / favourite author._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_The song for this chapter is:__ The Trick To Life – The Hoosiers._

I had been awake all night, thinking. Just thinking. Not thinking and pacing, or thinking and eating, or thinking and absent-mindedly listening to very old CDs. I couldn't let myself be distracted by things like this; I had far too many thoughts to organise.

I could understand why Edward wanted to get away for a while. It was awfully difficult to organise my thoughts when I kept being interrupted by a certain short-haired, vertically challenged vampire who kept ringing my phone over and _over_.

To be fair, I had only actually answered her once. But when I had, her voice was at such an extortionately high pitch I decided it was the best for the both of us (or at least the both of our eardrums) if I screened the rest of her calls tonight.

While I was thinking, I had a few epiphanies. Not major ones, but thoughts that had seemed to make no sense before cleared a little. For instance, I began to understand Edward's point of view on this whole _you're not in control_ issue. In a way, I _wasn't _in control. I didn't start this whole thing because of _me_, after all. I started it because of… The unfairness that was life. Because I was so ridiculously inadequate in comparison to beautiful, talented, _perfect_ Edward and his family. I didn't blame _them_ for this; of course I didn't! Though, if it weren't for them appearing in my life, it probably would never have started.

_If it weren't for them_… That was when I had another epiphany. Except this one led to a train of thought, which led to a plan, which led to a _mission_. Mission impossible, you might say. Then again, with Edward acting like he was lately, who knew what he would be up for?

I decided to execute my mission tomorrow (or was it today? It really was late…), the sooner the better. I calmly picked up my cell phone and called speed dial 2. It only rang once before someone picked up on the other end.

"Bella! Finally. I thought you'd never call." I didn't even bother to try to get a word in. "Actually, I lied. I knew you'd call. But you took your time!"

"Alice," I interrupted. "Look, I've… decided to see Edward again. I don't think I let him say all he wanted to say today," I said, clenching my teeth.

"How right you are! You only let him get about three lines out before you stormed off!" she scolded me. I should have felt guilty, but I didn't really. Even though what he said was true, it still hurt me. I thought I had every right to "storm off".

"Yeah… I'm sorry about that," I lied. I hoped she couldn't tell from my voice I wasn't being honest. "Anyway, I want to see him again. Do you think you can set something up?"

She paused for a moment. "Leave it with me. He might need a little convincing."

I half-heartedly smiled down the phone. "Thanks, Alice. I knew I could count on you."

"Don't count your chickens, Bella. He hasn't agreed to it yet." I could tell by her tone of voice that he was going to, though.

"Alright. Call me later, okay?" She agreed, and I hung up quickly. I still had a lot to get in order before I saw him.

Alice had called me back no less than 30 minutes later, telling me she'd managed to persuade Edward to see me again. We decided I should meet him on "mutual ground", that being a park we'd been to once about 5 minutes away from our school. I arrived right on time, having left around half an hour earlier than I'd meant to and therefore decided to walk, and take a very roundabout route at that.

It had started to rain a little when I arrived. Luckily, I had thought to bring an umbrella. I huddled under it while I scanned the park for Edward. I found him immediately; he was almost the only person here. He was not-so-surreptitiously sat on a bench right in the middle of the park, under a bright red parasol. I slowly, and almost silently, approached him. He looked up from under his brolly to greet me with a beaming smile. "Hi," he breathed. Apparently, my previous outburst was forgiven.

"Hey, Edward. Look, I'm sorry for leaving so quickly yesterday, I just…" I trailed off. I wasn't really being truthful anyway, so I might as well not make up a real reason for leaving.

"It's okay, I'm the one who should be apologising," he said very quickly. "I know Alice thinks _I'm _mad at _you_, but I'm not. I swear. It's entirely my fault."

I didn't bother interrupting him. I knew he'd only cut me off and finish anyway. "Thanks for understanding," I hedged. "I've been thinking."

"Me too. To say there's a lot left unsaid would be an understatement," he said, looking away from me. I mentally agreed, but didn't say anything out loud.

"Can I go first?" he suddenly asked. He sort of caught me off guard, so I nodded. "Great. Bella, I am _so_ sorry for everything I said, thought, and insinuated. My opinion on this whole thing is totally irrelevant. The only thing that's important to me now – important to me _ever_ – is that you are happy and healthy." His whole speech was making me feel guilty. I looked at the ground. "And so, that's what's going to happen."

"What?" I looked up again, to meet his face smiling, but somehow still looking sincere, right at me.

"Bella, I want to take you away. Somewhere where we can just forget about everything and… Be us. We can go anywhere you want."

"You mean… Like a vacation?" He nodded, but I shook my head. "But what about –"

"Forget about it, Bella," he cut me off. "Forget about Charlie, work, the _wedding_… That's the whole point." He hesitated when I didn't respond. "I know it's a little sudden. You can think about it if you want." He was almost buzzing in his seat. For an 100-year-old vampire, he was remarkably like a schoolboy.

"Okay, I will," I lied. I really was avoiding eye contact a lot lately. Mainly because I was lying so much.

"So, your turn," he said, hinting that I could say my piece now. I felt bad crushing his spirit and all that, but it had to be done. It just seemed to make sense.

"Alright. I want you to know, before I say this, it doesn't change anything that has already happened in the past. Got it?" He nodded slowly.

"Okay. Edward, I think… You know how we are now? Sort of… Apart?" I asked him. I knew he'd know what I meant, even though I wasn't being particularly articulate. "I was thinking, maybe… Maybe we should stay that way."

I left that sentence in the air for a few seconds. "I don't mean forever… Well, not necessarily… But just while we both get everything sorted out." The two of us did have an awful lot to sort, after all. Not to mention, I don't think either of us were totally ready to forgive each other yet.

Neither of us said anything else. We sat there for a bit longer in less-than-comfortable silence, and after a few minutes, Edward stood to leave. I didn't look up to watch him go; I didn't think I could bear to after I had just pushed him away like that.

Before he left, he reached for my chin and pulled it up, making me look at him. An unfathomable expression burned in his eyes, and tears pooled in mine. I thought about what I had just said… "_It doesn't change anything that has already happened in the past._" I hoped he knew that by that, I meant I still loved him. Of _course_ I did. But now just wasn't the right time for us.

He let go of my chin after a few seconds, but brushed his cold hand over my cheek lovingly before he left. I knew that if he was able to cry, he would be. I, on the other hand, having the ability to cry anytime I wanted, didn't. I held the tears in. He deserved better than having to see me cry now.

_A/N:__ No, this isn't the end! I have a lot more planned for these two. No worries._

_One more "thanks" than usual this chapter… Thanks to a friend of mine (who is account-less so I'll just leave her as an anon), who talked out the rest of my storyline with me (despite not having read this story so far!) and helping me to see where it's going. You rock._

_ALSO: I'm going on holiday (yes, again!) so no more chapters for a week. Sorry!! I'll put up an extra long one when I get back. Promise._

_Thanks to __**ann**__ (anonymous), __**wingedspirit**__, __**twilightaddict13**__, __**im.seeing.music**__, __**lucytheslut**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**Warewolf girl 98**__, __**edward is my homeboy**__, __**redd4169**__, __**PixieKiz**__, __**im.seeing.music**__, __**Sho-ro Eyez**__, __**lucytheslut**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**Edward911**__, __**PixieKiz**__,__** im.seeing.music**__ for author alert / favourite author._


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 (Edward's POV)

**Chapter 15 (Edward's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ The Sun – Maroon 5._

There was one single thing that every member of my family assumed was true after I returned from the park that day. Even with their "talents", they were all wrong.

They thought that I would have one predominant emotion, and the others would be repressed. I supposed that, in a sense, they were right. At the time that I walked through the door of the Cullen house, soaking wet and feeling thoroughly empty, I _was_ angry. But not in the way they thought I was.

They all thought I'd be mad at Bella. Mad because she'd refused to hear me out one day previous, mad because she'd finally decided she was better off without me, and that she didn't want to marry me any more, never mind become one of us. But they seemed to have missed the fact that all Bella's actions were completely justified. Was I the only one that understood that? I didn't bear bad feelings towards her for any of that. Nor did I insinuate that I did; at least, not on purpose.

So everybody, including Jasper, took my radiating anger to mean I was mad at Bella. Which obviously wasn't true; even if she'd lied and told me she did want to marry me, and then brought that _dog_ up to the altar and shagged him right in front of me, I couldn't be angry at her. At least not forever. She was too impossibly kind and beautiful and _perfect_ for me to feel that way.

I didn't blame her, either. I knew for a fact she was mad at me. I didn't need my own personal emotion interpreter (thank you, Jasper) for that. I had always spoiled her, pampered her, and never said an ill word to her. It must have been a shock for me to say such harsh things to her. I didn't mean for them to hurt her; I could _never_ do that again. I said them to try and give her a reality check, to try and break through that mind-boggling exterior of hers and reach the person underneath so that I could help her. I doubted that she understood my intentions in this; as far as I know, she refuses to acknowledge that her illness is real to this day. She probably thought I was being unkind and out of line. Which, in a way, I was. So, again, I didn't blame her. Not one bit.

­­­

I pondered over things like this for what seemed like centuries. My family refused to leave Forks after Bella and I separated; it wasn't what she wanted, and nor did they. My family was happy there, at least for a couple of years until people would begin to find it suspicious that we never aged.

When they warned me that they wouldn't be leaving, and that I would probably still have to see Bella occasionally, I made an executive decision to stay out of her way as much as possible. It was better for both of us that way. She could have her space and time to get over me, and I could… Well, I'd probably never get over her, but at least she wouldn't have to see me wallow in self-pity every day.

I rarely spoke aloud any more, nor did I play music. It didn't feel right without a "muse". I detached myself from Bella and from my family on purpose because, simply, I didn't _want_ to move on. I wanted to move back. I knew that was impossible now, but all the same, it didn't make me want it any less.

I made Alice swear, against her will, to watch Bella closely and tell me if anything drastic happened. She'd done so well over the past few months, moving further and further away from the cliff of depression she'd been hanging over, and I wasn't about to let her go back to being sick again. Not if I could help it.

Unfortunately, even with Alice's help, I couldn't tell much about Bella's life now. It was almost a year since Alice had last had a vision about her; everything else in Bella's future was black. I had panicked initially; was she even alive? But after keeping a close eye on her, we realised the root of the problem. She was hanging out with those _mutts_ again. I resented them, but I knew they would keep her safe. So I kept my opinions to myself.

I hadn't heard Bella's name spoken aloud for a metaphorical eternity. That was why, when I did eventually hear it again, I immediately assumed the worst.

_A/N:__ Thanks to __**akaMrsEdwardCullen**__, __**Taylorz Girl**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**Ladyflame13**__, __**Beatriz Beltran**__, __**Edward911**__, __**crueljupiter**__, __**TheCullensAreMINE**__, __**Miss.Megan**__ for story alert / favourite story._


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 (Alice's POV)

**Chapter 16 (Alice's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Earth to Bella – Incubus._

To an outsider, it would seem as if things in Forks had not changed at all since one year ago. The weather was still dreadful, the school was still vastly under-populated, and the Outfitter's store was still owned and run by the Newton family.

However, _I_ for one knew things were different. Well, not _things_ specifically, mainly people. Our family, for example. We had stayed here in almost the rainiest place in existence for a very long time, compared with the time we normally spent in one place. This was starting to give all of us a bit of "cabin fever". Although it was unspoken, we had pretty much decided to all live as separate couples for a while (which Rose and Emmett often did, though Jazz and I did not) before we realised this would leave Edward pretty much completely isolated. Not that he wasn't anyway.

It wasn't our fault, though, don't get me wrong. It wasn't anyone's fault really, except his own. He shut himself in his room for days, weeks, months on end, because he couldn't bear to interact with anyone anymore. I had a sneaking and growing suspicion that he was trying to close down everything about him that made him _human_, and give over entirely to the vampire side of him. I tried to shake him out of it; of course, we all tried (yes, even Rose!) but it did no good. Because the only person who had a chance in hell of getting through to him was having the time of her bloody life, skipping around with a filthy werewolf!

It made me shudder just to think about it.

Halfway through my large and slightly exaggerated shiver, I was caught unawares by a prickling feeling at the back of my neck. All my senses momentarily disappeared as I saw a familiar figure step into a familiar room and repeat a familiar action.

If I was physically able to vomit, I would have at this point.

Unfortunately, considering I didn't have the ability to throw up all the nasty inside me, I had to make do with dry heaving. It wasn't pretty.

Of course, Jasper was by my side the entire time, asking what was wrong. I hadn't panicked this much since I'd thought my Gucci teal embroidered dress had been stolen one day while I was out shopping. He rubbed my back while I calmed down.

When I'd finally been able to stop my frequent and unnecessary excessive breathing, I had been able to tell him what I saw. "It was a girl… A human," I started, not wanting to alert him or anyone else.

"What was she doing?" he asked, keeping his hand on my shoulder and radiating ripples of calm into me. I smiled gratefully.

"She was in a bathroom," I said carefully. "She was sick. In the literal sense, I mean."

Jasper froze for a moment, catching on quickly. "You don't mean…" he didn't carry on, apparently inarticulate for a moment. I didn't want to have to say it either, but his silence combined with the look of horror on his face convinced me.

"Bella," I whispered. I could practically hear Edward's head snapping up at the sound of her name two floors above me. I had to act quickly, before he noticed anything out of the ordinary in my thoughts. I suddenly started playing _Earth to Bella_ in my head, so loudly and prominently that I wasn't thinking about anything else. I tapped Jasper on the shoulder.

"Oh. He's still suspicious, but I don't think he's about to 'take action' or anything," he told me. I nodded, only partially listening to him. "On the other hand, you apparently are…"

I gaped at him, confused. "Take action, I mean. Your determination vibe almost knocked me flat just then."

I grinned. "I get that a lot," I joked. "Be careful not to think about it though. It's not worth alerting Edward unless I'm _absolutely sure_ I'm right."

I didn't even wait for him to promise himself to secrecy; I was already out the window and heading towards Bella's house.

I knocked on her door harder than I had meant to. My knuckles left tiny dents in the wood. When nobody answered in the next couple of seconds, impatience took over and I started to rap on the door again, not ceasing the action until it finally swung open.

I opened my mouth to yell at the opener, but unfortunately, it was Charlie.

"Oh, hey Alice," he greeted cheerfully, beaming at me. "I haven't seen you here in forever."

I inwardly rolled my eyes at his accidental pun. "I know, Charlie. Sorry," I muttered quickly. "Is Bella here?"

He shook his head. "Sorry, you just missed her. She went to La Push, to meet Jake." I had to suppress a growl. "He's a good kid. You know him?"

I paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to subtly insult the pup. I silently admitted failure, before saying, "uh, I think maybe I've met him in passing." I pretended to drift off into thought. "Anyway, do you know where they went?"

"Not sure. They might've gone to First Beach. Why, do you need to see Bella urgently?" he asked, looking a little worried. My heart sunk; if she _was_ at First Beach, there was no chance I could talk to her soon enough.

"Yeah, it's urgent," I promised him. "It'll only take a minute to sort out, though." _Hopefully_.

"Alright. I'm sure you'll get it sorted out, Alice," he said with a smile. I returned it wearily and left, waving over my shoulder at him.

As soon as I was out of his sight, I ran (vampire running, not human running. It wasn't nearly efficient enough) in the direction of La Push. There was a possibility that I could catch Bella before she crossed the boundary line.

While I was running, I grabbed my small phone from my pocket and began to dial. I didn't hold out much hope that she would pick up. I hadn't talked to her in ages; she'd probably deleted my number by now.

"Alice?" her defeated voice came through the speaker. I had to admit, I was caught off guard for a moment. I spluttered incoherently for a second.

"Bella, I need to talk to you,"

I finally got out. She answered immediately after I finished speaking. "Yeah. I was kind of expecting you to call," she admitted. "I know it was stupid, but I didn't think about it 'til afterwards and--"

I cut her off. "Wait, isn't the dog there?" Surely he would be unnerved by her side of the conversation.

"Oh, no, I just told Charlie I was going to meet Jake. He said he'd cover for me," she confided. "I knew you'd call sooner or later, and I thought I'd prefer to be alone when you did."

"Oh," I said, a little stunned at the amount of planning she'd done. "Does he know, then? Jake, I mean…" I trailed off.

"No, no. At least, I hope not," she replied. "Anyway, there's not really much to _know_."

I shook my head. She _still _didn't understand the severity of this whole thing, did she? "Yes, Bella, there is. If that's still happening, then you need to --"

"Nothing is 'still happening', Alice. It was just one time. I was stupid, and I didn't think about it, and now you're calling me…" She spoke very fast, almost as if she was afraid of me. That sickened me a little. "Look, I'm fine, okay? I appreciate your concern and all but I don't think it's your place to tell me what to do. Not any more."

The line went dead. I stared at the phone for a few seconds, then turned back in the direction of home. Walking slowly; very slowly.

_A/N:__ Sorry again for gap between updates (though it wasn't too long I suppose). I was reading Breaking Dawn. You know the drill. Oh, by the way, I NEED PEOPLE TO TALK TO about it!! I have far too much to get off my chest, and I'm sure most of you do too, if you've read it that is. So if you feel like it, PM me and we'll talk about it. Yay! :)_

_Thanks to __**LilliumKiss**__, __**akaMrsEdwardCullen**__ (to clear up: yes, it's around a year later. Yes, Edward's still in Forks but Bella's hanging out with Jacob. And you'll find out the last part in its entirety soon, I promise!), __**bringmeback**__, __**i3Twilight**__ (anonymous), __**kagome10678**__ (thanks for the threat! :P) for reviews._

_Thanks to __**Andromeda03**__, __**vannnii**__, __**bringmeback**__, __**bloodymoonwitch**__, __**kuntrygal**__, __**Junkyard Girl**__, __**Evangelin**__, __**kagome10678 **__(x2), __**ecandbs8**__, __**Edward911**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**kagome10678 **__(x2) for author alert / favourite author._


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 16 (Bella's POV)

**Chapter 17 (Bella's POV)**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Talk Tonight – Oasis._

After mine and Alice's conversation, I could only hope for the best. I had no say in what she decided to do know; it was up to her. That scared me a little, considering Alice was capable of almost anything. She could _literally_ do whatever she wanted and I had no way of stopping her.

So, instead of taking action, I sat. In a coffee shop (I couldn't go back home, it was too soon; Charlie would know I wasn't with Jake in the first place). Alone. Just thinking… And preparing myself for whatever it was she was about to do.

I knew it wouldn't end here. She couldn't just give up and leave me alone; not Alice. She wasn't like that, she was far too determined. Stubborn, even to the point that she would regret it later. I sighed and looked at my foamy cappuccino, wishing I actually wanted to drink it.

No sooner had I decided to take my coffee (in its to-go cup) outside and offer it to the nearest hobo, a frantic-looking Edward practically flew into the store. I stayed where I was, unfazed. I wasn't surprised, after all.

He didn't make a move to get closer to me, he just stood by the door. Even though he was blocking about 4 people's entrance, he didn't look awkward. He looked livid. I remained perfectly still, half out of my seat, like you would stay frozen in the presence of a wild animal. That was a good description of his expression right then; wild.

We were both immobile for a moment more before he slowly approached me. I shrank back into my seat.

"Bella." My name sounded odd on his lips after all this time. I looked up at his face. It was exactly as I had remembered, of course. Except for one detail; his eyes were darker than I had ever seen them. This frightened me. I inhaled sharply.

My mouth was suddenly very dry. I reached for my now cold cappuccino with one hand and took a sip. I swallowed slowly, then looked up to meet his eyes again. I plastered a huge artificial smile on my face. "Edward! What a surprise to see you," I said brightly, and obviously sarcastically. He grabbed my elbow gently and led me out of the shop. Being used to Jacob's unnaturally warm skin, Edward's cold grip shocked me a little.

As soon as we were out of earshot of the majority of people around, he started to talk to me in harsh whispers. "Alice told me what she saw," he began.

"I guessed," I mumbled.

"Listen to me, Bella!" he interrupted me, speaking louder than he meant to, I thought. "I know I have no right to be here talking to you, not after everything I put you through, but--"

Now it was my turn to do the interrupting. "Everything _you_ put _me_ through?" I said, incredulously. He just nodded, oblivious to my shock. "Edward, you didn't – I mean, I wasn't…" I didn't know how to continue. How could he be under the impression he'd put me through anything? Everything that had happened between the two of us had been my fault. I'd practically forced him into dating me in the first place, I'd been too insecure with myself so I'd… done _that_, and then I'd broken up with him.

I went to say this, however long-winded it was, but before I could, he spoke. "Don't you ever try and tell me none of this was my fault," he said sorrowfully. "I know… I know I was the reason you became bulimic." I winced when he said the word; it was taboo, unmentionable, even in my own head. I was still stunned, though.

"How did you…" I trailed off. Nobody, and I meant _nobody_ except me, knew that Edward's immeasurable perfection was the cause of my instability. How could he have found out? Maybe he _could _read my mind, after all…

"A year of solitude gives you a long time to think. When I sat down and really thought about it, what other reason _was_ there?" he informed me. I let go of a breath I had forgotten I was holding. Whatever way he thought about it, this wasn't right. He shouldn't have to bear a burden like this, even if he _was_ technically the cause.

"Edward, it's not what you think," I tried to convince him. "It's not _you_ exactly that made me like that, it was a combination of things…" I gave up, knowing I had no hope of changing his mind. He was going to hold on to this, whether it was rightfully his or not.

"Well then," he concluded. "That only leaves one question unanswered."

"I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but…" I had to ask. I just had to. "What question might that be?" I raised my head, looking right at him, and shaking a piece of hair out of my eye.

He laughed once, without humour. "It's only the most important question of all, Bella." His lips twitched at the edges when he said my name, I noticed. "The question is, now that I am thoroughly out of your life, barring today of course, why were you sick again this morning?"

_A/N:__ CLIFFIE… Yeah, I know. I'm mean. Deal with it! :)_

_Thanks to __**LilliumKiss**__, __**Taylorz Girl**__, __**soraloveskairi159**__ (okay, I think your comment beat everyone who's ever threatened me into writing a new chapter! Congratulations :P), __**i have a heart of gold**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**Preferable Brunette**__, __**soraloveskairi159**__, __**i have a heart of gold**__ (x2), __**cherrychik**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**i have a heart of gold**__ for author alert / favourite author._


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

_The song for this chapter is:__ No Air – Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown._

It was as if every inch of my body had been anaesthetised. I could no longer feel the slight breeze washing over my arms and flicking pieces of hair into my face. I could no longer smell the coffee which, although it had been in my hand, was undoubtedly dropped on the floor by now. I could no longer hear the anxious curiosity in Edward's voice while he spoke to me, trying to awaken me from this daze. And I could no longer see him waving his cold hand in front of my face, trying in vain to wake me up.

Time passed; I had no idea how much of it. Eventually the anaesthetic slowly washed away, leaving me to crumple to the ground. I felt Edward's strong arms trying to hold me up. I leaned on him for support, hardly even aware of what I was doing. He sat me down gently on a nearby bench, and disappeared for a moment. He returned shortly with a bottle of water and a chocolate bar. He told me to drink for dehydration and eat for low blood sugar. I did both.

Finally, when I knew I was myself again (or almost), I spoke. "I was hoping… I mean, I thought you wouldn't work it out," I croaked. I took another sip of the water; Edward faced away from me. "I guess it was pretty stupid for me to assume that."

He grunted in response. The sound made me flinch a little. I supposed I wasn't expecting him to make a sound, which was odd considering I was talking to him… I was very nervous. My hands shook out of control, as did my voice. He noticed, still not looking at my face, but took my hands in his all the same.

"I don't want to rush you," he said softly. "But I would really like an answer to my question. Especially considering your mind is a complete blank to me, as always." He almost grinned then. I shook more at his mention of the question he'd asked. It wasn't the question itself that scared me; it was the answer I was going to have to give.

"I know," I breathed. "I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark. At times like this, I almost wish you _could _read my mind," I revealed. His eyes widened a little. "It would just be so much easier than having to say it."

He paused for a minute. "You don't have to tell me." His face gave away what his voice didn't; _you don't have to tell me, but please do_.

"Yes I do," I confirmed. "You have as much of a right to know as I do, I guess." I took a deep breath in through my nose. "Before I start, though, _please_ don't beat yourself up even more over this. I know that you've practically become a recluse recently --" he moved to interrupt me, but I quickly covered his mouth with one hand "-- don't deny it, okay? We might not have been in contact for a while, but that doesn't mean I don't know anything about you anymore. Which," I scoffed a laugh, "is kind of the answer to your question."

He didn't respond, he just waited for me to continue, still holding the hand I hadn't covered his mouth with, and still refusing to look me in the eye. I sighed, and moved the hand over his cool lips to under his chin, pulling it towards me. I would _make_ him look at me while I said this.

"Edward," I said his name slowly and enunciated every letter. "The reason I," I paused to make a face, "threw up this morning was because…" Now _I _was the one having trouble making eye contact. All the confidence I had found a minute ago – almost telling Edward the reason for my relapse this morning, holding his hand even though we hadn't seen each other in what felt like forever, and practically yelling at him – had suddenly melted away. I looked down and blushed. When I felt the blood begin to fade from my cheeks, I looked up at him again, only to see him smiling at me.

"Oh, I forgot," I muttered. "You always liked it when I blushed."

"_Like_, Bella, not _liked_" he admitted with a small nod. "Present tense."

I blushed again, only to have him laugh out loud this time. It was nice that we could still be civil to each other – almost comfortable in our company – even with the gap that had formed between us.

"It was because I missed it," I blurted out. Evidently, the confidence had rushed back for a moment without me realising it. He looked at me, confused. "I _missed_ it, you know, the vomiting. I know, it sounds crazy, but that's not all of it." He just waited for me to explain, patient as ever. I decided that neither of us had changed a bit over the past year.

"At that time in my life, when I was…" I forced myself to say the word. I had never said it, I'd never even thought it. But it was time to admit it now; it was time for Edward to hear me say it. "…_bulimic_, even though I was seriously ill, it was still the best period of my entire life. And I'm pretty sure it was because, despite the fact that I felt like crap the whole time, I was still with you." When I said this last sentence, his eyes lit up for the first time in our meeting. The sight alone almost made me cry. "It's kind of ironic, really. Your perfection is the reason for my insecurity, yet it's also the reason I clung to the life I had back then so tightly. And so, that was the reason I made myself sick; it was because I realised that by losing my illness, albeit temporarily, I also lost my reason for living in the first place. And I realised I'd rather live with you in my life, and be horribly ill, than live without you and be healthy."

"Bella…" he whispered my name with so much emotion I could only fold him in my arms. We stayed there, just holding each other, for an immeasurable amount of time.

I eventually pulled back, wiping silent tears from my face. "Look, I swear, I'm gonna get better, okay? I really want to try this time." He just nodded, apparently unable to speak.

A little while later, we still sat on the bench, but our minds were a lot clearer. Not totally clear – no, _far_ from that – but everything certainly seemed a little more in focus.

"Edward," I hummed his name on a low note. "Can I ask you a question now?"

"I suppose it's only fair," he agreed, stroking my hair with one hand. "What do you want to ask?"

I listened to my heartbeat as I spoke. "I know things are different now. It's only been a year, but a lot has changed. I for one have definitely had a lot of revelations…" He raised his eyebrows at me. I grinned quickly. "But… Do you think there's still a chance for us? The two of us, together, I mean." When I'd finished, I still listened for my heartbeat, but I couldn't hear it anymore. It was as if my heart wouldn't beat until Edward answered me.

"There's more than a chance, Bella," he said huskily. "There's even a certainty, if you want one." He looked at me, his eyes intense.

I smiled, and caressed his face gently. "Oh, I want one," I revealed. Then I leaned in slowly to kiss his frozen lips.

_A/N:__ I realised that I managed to totally forget at the time, so I'm just gonna point it out now instead… I GOT 100 REVIEWS!! If you're one of those fabulous reviewers who helped me reach 100, I send you a hug. (Only a metaphorical one, I'm afraid; they cost a bomb to post.)_

_Thanks to __**PixieKiz**__, __**soraloveskairi159 **__(and thanks for yet another wonderfully terrifying threat!), __**Tashy Washy**__ (anon), __**Socialxxhazard**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**Jellyfish26 **__(x2), __**mychemicalprincess**__, __**ecidnac **__(x2), __**Socialxxhazard **__(x2), __**BrittniCullen**__**emmagg**__, __**xhollywoodxheartsx**__, __**Spiorad**__, __**PenguinxLove09**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**Jellyfish26 **__(x2) for author alert / favourite author._


	19. Epilogue

Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_The song for this chapter is:__ Eternity – Robbie Williams._

Dr Cullen glided through the hospital corridor, reaching the communal printer just as his document was being dispensed. He gracefully scooped up the single sheet of paper in one frost-white hand and read it quickly.

…

**MEDICAL RECORD FOR:** Mrs Isabella Cullen (nee Swan).

**ADMITTED TO** West Seattle Psychiatric Hospital **ON** 2nd August 2007 **FOR** Severe Bulimia Nervosa.

**DISCHARGED ON** 19th April 2008 **DUE TO** complete regain of heath – no further treatment necessary.

…

He smiled warmly to himself (probably giving several leering patients, not to mention members of staff, heart palpitations in the process). His mission was finally accomplished; now he and his wife could exist together, and solely for one another, for the rest of eternity.

_A/N:__ BEWARE: HERE COMES THE LONGEST A/N IN ALL OF FOREVER. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED._

_I know, short 'n' sweet ending. But I thought you'd like a little something after that last chapter to find out how it all ended up! (Also, sorry for not warning you the story was near to closing. I just realised a few days ago that I _really_ didn't want to do a sequel, and therefore this is the conclusion I came to. Personally, I quite like it..!)_

_For anyone who's interested, here is the full playlist for this story:_

_Chapter 1: Take Me Away – Avril Lavigne._

_Chapter 2: Confusion – The Zutons._

_Chapter 3: Shatter – Feeder._

_Chapter 4: Liar Is You – Elliot Minor._

_Chapter 5: Come Back To Me – Plain White T's._

_Chapter 6: Take Me Under – Three Days Grace._

_Chapter 7: Don't Speak – No Doubt._

_Chapter 8: You Stole The Sun From My Heart – Manic Street Preachers._

_Chapter 9: Headlights On Dark Roads – Snow Patrol._

_Chapter 10: Bedshaped – Keane._

_Chapter 11: Sorry's Not Good Enough – McFly._

_Chapter 12: Leave Me Alone – Razorlight._

_Chapter 13: We Might as Well Be Strangers – Keane._

_Chapter 14: The Trick To Life – The Hoosiers._

_Chapter 15: The Sun – Maroon 5._

_Chapter 16: Earth To Bella – Incubus._

_Chapter 17: Talk Tonight – Oasis._

_Chapter 18: No Air – Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown._

_Epilogue: Eternity – Robbie Williams._

_Another section before the "thanks" this time: Here come the __STATISTICS__. They may sound lame and maths-y, however, this is by far my most popular story ever so I thought it'd be fun to see how well it really did!_

_For all you readers, I wrote a total of 86,348 characters, 20,452 words, 50 pages (on Microsoft Word), 19 chapters and 1 story._

_In return (before posting this chapter), I got a total of 15,618 hits, 117 reviews, 105 story alerts, and 40 favourite stories for "Secret"._

_I also got a total of 279 alert e-mails about this story! (That's without author alert/favourite, by the way)._

_Thanks so much to those of you who've stayed with me throughout this story; you guys rock!_

_And finally, thanks to __**OneMorePerson**__, __**EdwardsAllMiNe**__, __**clarealexandrea**__, __**Scrappin-Mastiff-Mom**__, __**twilightaddict13**__, __**MickeyandMinnie**__, __**Liden-Zar'roc**__ for reviews._

_Thanks to __**EdwardsAllMiNe **__(x2), __**clarealexandrea **__(x2), __**RazielCullen3**__, __**Goten4eva**__, __**Scrappin-Mastiff-Mom**__, __**anxattemptxtoxtipxthexscales **__(x2), __**RosalieLillianHaleCullen22**__, __**susanjones**__, __**MickeyandMinnie**__, __**Liden-Zar'roc**__ for story alert / favourite story._

_Thanks to __**EdwardsAllMiNe**__ (x2), __**clarealexandrea**__, __**changchick123**__ for author alert / favourite author._

_Special thanks to OneMorePerson, amongst my other friends who send me the occasional anon. review, for all the support. Extra love for all you guys._


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